I can’t take it off my mind. Thoughts of him keep flooding my head. His playful grin fills my every thought. I can still taste his lips, can feel his tongue…I can feel him kissing me: making me moan. I know he isn’t right for me, know I don’t love him, I also know I want him so bad.
I call him Jovan, my obsession.
He always leaves me like this, wanting more of him, wishing it were just him for me but deep down I know the thrill is in not having him as my own.
Jovan is an Industrial art student at MUK. He’s the closest thing I have to a relationship. We are complicated. Jovan is that guy that’s always there. I can have him whenever I want him, he knows me in and out. With him sex feels different in a way I can’t place.
Jovan came around today. I didn’t expect him. I’ve been trying to read for these weekend coursework tests now I can’t concentrate. It’s hard to after being with him.
I rarely get people visiting me in my room, so Tania opened the door when he knocked. I didn’t bother to look up, just lay on my tummy reading. The moment he got in I knew it was him. His scent is plastered in my head. That’s the reason I turned to look and there he stood, sexy as ever. He’s the only weakness I’ve ever had and I’ve barely seen him for a month.
`I read your stories,’ he said, `you need to slow down and breathe. That anger in your system is going viral. You’ll hurt yourself. Excuse us,’ he told Tania. She hates me, for a moment I thought she wouldn’t leave, but she did leave. Jovan locked the door himself. I stayed immobile. He moved over, held his hand out for me and asked me to stand up. I did, he hugged me close, then he started to kiss my neck.
`I’m here to remind you that sometimes you have to go slow and enjoy every moment. You ought to let go of that inbuilt anger. It’ll burn you up. For today I want to see you cry.’
He kept talking and taking off my clothes too and then his. He’s the only guy I can ever let take full control…he pushed me back onto the bed, and he followed.
The room was quiet, and he started to touch me with his tongue, slow and gentle. His hands were holding me back now, making sure I stay still. I bit my lower lip trying to hold it all in as his tongue played with my nipples one after the other. I felt tense. My blood ran cold when his tongue touched that spot between my legs, he tortured me till I could take it no more. Then he rode me slow and perfect making sure I feel every stroke. Then he went hard on me and my tears flowed. I hate him for what he does to me, he makes me insane and wild. Now he’s gone, but he left his mark on me just as he always does. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and be the me that I am comfortable with, the one without emotions…
Yours truly,
Trudie
