By Joseph Lagen
It is no news that Phatfest is not your average Christian kidula; seeing that the corporate crowd and campusers flock it annually to shake butt in the name of Jesus. And this time, there was no disappointing! The organisers couldn’t have chosen a better time as many a campuser, the Drone inclusive, had just handed in their last paper that evening and would be eager for a joint to turn up.
And while the faithful went in the name of Jesus, others were on a hunt for “food” that would be “consumed” at Legends a couple hours later. The lighting of the night didn’t help the situation; making the girls look all the hotter. Yet even then, there was no backing off for some “Leg-plan” diehards.
One of the revellers intimated to me that he was there to get one of “Jesus’ daughters” but as later events unfolded to prove, his chances were to be as slim as the latest iPad Air. When the main attractions of the night took to the stage, it was as if hypnosis had been carried out on all female kind and all prospecting guys thrown off their game. Da Truth, an American Christian rapper, made the female crowd scream in ways guys could only dream of making them do. Pictures don’t lie. And it was not like he was taking any for the night; seeing that he was flying back to Atlanta that very day.
After his performance, guys had the assumption that they had got back their girls, but they were deceived as in less than an hour, crooner Abel Chungu, armed with his Acoustic Guitar and his clear cut looks (no-homo), robbed the poor boys of the chick’s attention and stole their hearts with his Zambian love ballad, “Ichitemwiko”.
The deal was fatefully sealed with the surprise appearance of Pompi and Magg44, other Zambian acts. I kid you not when I tell you a stunning lady in the VIP section had to be whisked off on a stretcher because on seeing the two get on stage, all her strength could manage was moaning “Pompi” and her collapsing in a faint.
It was only then that the guys learnt that like the Boko Haram, these artistes were not about to return their girl’s hearts and that is when ‘christian men’ sought consolation in the bar and pool tables at the back with the hashtag #BringBackOurGirls on their minds. If they were not going to get Christian leg, atleast they must taste Jesus’ wine. Afazaali draw!
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