If social media is the new shining spot, then Slay Queens are the halo. Beyoncé started it all as simple vanity, but slaying has stolen the show world over. This here is an idiot’s guide(if you’re a feminist, don’t read further) to getting cheap popularity on Instagram, or shooting up your likes on Facebook. Real life examples of Slay Queens are included in the guide:
Flaunt what your momma gave you.
This approach gets you the best results in the quickest time there is. Have your friends always been bowing since high school for your booty’s massive size? Good.
Then show the whole world what a big bumpa you got. Put on them pumpum shorts and high-waist knickers(go pantyless for better results), then bring the camera as close to the focal point as possible. Boom! Now sit back and watch how far your phat sitting facilities will propel you. Facebook freak ‘Issa Kween’ uses this and it has worked miracles for her. Instagram’s ‘Unapologetic Eve’ too utilises it.
Use the magical selfie trick.
If your face is relatively fine, and your boobs are plump, but your bum is flat; no worries. Just ride on the magical sefie, and make sure those hungry dudes drool for a virtual kiss on their phones. How it works? Simple. First things first, drop your local eye pencils and 2k lipstick; buy some sensible make-up kits. If you can’t afford, borrow from a friend.
You don’t want all the make-up to melt when you sweat (ask Sheeba Karungi?). Secondly, your cleavage MUST be seen. If the voyeurs look at your selfie and are focusing on your face, your cleavage game is not right, sister. Better get a chest-pumping bra. Their eyes must be locked on the gap where the medallion on your necklace hides. Facebook Slay Queen ‘Seong Kim Hun’ (Yes she’s Ugandan) perfected this tip, and the previous one too.
Go naked.
Yes! You heard me. Go naked! And I don’t mean leak your nudes like your Ugandan celebs love to do, NO. I mean, go artistically naked. Didn’t you see how Amber Rose shook planet earth with her ‘feminist’ bush conservation pic? Well, this approach is risky in Uganda though, beware of Lokodo?. Only try it after getting advice from its experts like Hellen Lukoma.
Gene, these tips are from an Idiot like me who wants to see more slaying. Try them at your own risk – you will trend all the way to your father’s WhatsApp gallery.
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