In the digital age where porn is simply a click away, the cliché image of a dude thoroughly ensconced in his mom’s basement with a lifetime supply of lube often feels like a cautionary tale to warn others of the dangers of porn addiction. But what is porn addiction actually?
1. The digital age allows a crazy amount of access to porn. Duh.
In this way, access might contribute to addiction. “I think the dawn of the internet age of porn has definitely increased our access — it’s everywhere,” Drucker says. “You could literally be looking at porn now 24 hours a day if you were so inclined, when that hasn’t always been the case.” Anderson agrees, equating porn addiction to alcohol addiction: “Because of this easy way to access everything and this kind of technological age, we have so much access. So we have to just think about it because it’s rampant … some people can go have a drink in a bar and be OK with it. Some people can’t. So which one are you?”
4. Porn addicts say the aftermath of the addiction is a disconnection from actual sexual intimacy, or “sexual anorexia.”
Schmuley believes that as the addiction grows, porn no longer stimulates sexual intimacy. “It actually becomes the substitute,” he says. Lauren says when combating that, you can end up going on the other end of the spectrum. “Something I learned right when I entered therapy is when people are in there for porn and sex addiction, they go from having a compulsive behavior to completely turning it off and losing all sex drive. And I was stuck in this — they call it sexual anorexia — for five years. I could not get out of it worth the life of me.”
6. No, some people’s propensity for addiction does not make porn inherently bad.
O’Reilly doesn’t want people to make an assumption that porn is evil. “A recent study, we looked at 280 men whose porn consumption varied I think from zero to 25 hours per week, and what they found was there was no positive correlation between porn consumption and desensitization, or arousal or erectile dysfunction issues,” O’Reilly says.
8. A huge part of the recovery process is reshaping what sexuality means to you.
Lauren’s therapist has pushed her to re-frame sex positively instead of associating it with guilt. “I think the beautiful thing that I found in recovery is I know that sexuality is a beautiful part of being human and a part of a way of connecting with people. I’ve had to work really hard in reshaping my beliefs around that, which has been a huge crux of the last eight years … I personally do not watch porn, but it’s funny. My therapist has challenged me to watch it and test out those boundaries.”
9. Sexual intimacy and openness can be regained after recovering from porn addiction.
Lauren says that her recovery has made it a possibility to using porn in future relationships. “There was dormant years of me avoiding intimacy at all costs. I just didn’t want to be apart of it. I was so upset. I felt broken. But today, I feel like I have this clean, beautiful slate that I’ve worked so hard for. I’ve worked so hard to re-frame my belief system around sexuality, and so if that was something my partner and I wanted to do 100 percent, I would be open to it. One hundred percent.”
