Valentine’s is here. It’s apparently the day loved one’s drap on red, white and black clothes… buy chocolates, cakes and go to some fancy restaurant filled with scented candles and plastic rose flowers.
Sickness
So, you are broke or apparently have quite a number of female friends who all of a sudden have been nice to you from the start of February.
Well brother, around the 11th fall sick. Call them girls up.
Fool; Hey bae just from the family clinic, my recurrent appendicitis seems to be taking its toll on me.
Fool’s Bae; (Disappointed) Hey Love I’m so sorry about that, I pray you get well soonest (before Valentine’s).
Well, she won’t even bother reaching you up if you insist your appendicitis or some other rare illness requires a surgery, sickness is a perfect cover for any fool avoiding valentine expenditure.
Fight
So you’re in a financial crater and Bae insists on telling you the nice places around town while you are thinking about your betting ticket.
You’ll realise that girls are the sweetest people towards their birthdays, Christmas and valentines. Don’t waste the chances, eat to your fill. Then out of the blue raise up some old fight about the fact you suspect she’s cheating on you with some lecturer or church member. Get so bitter about it and vanish. Give her the cold shoulder and resist all attempts at reconciliation (which she’ll definitely attempt); Return with apologies after valentines, it’s for your own financial good.
Death
We all have that evil aunt we detest. Well they’re perfect victims to routinely employ in your death lies. Call up bae and tell her, your beloved aunt passed on 10th, and burial is in Nakapiripirit on 15th, but you’ll be travelling on 13th to help. She might extend condolences to you. However, be sure to go into exile that entire time. She mustn’t see you around town and make such a scene. Meanwhile, a smart false death artist routinely updates his victims on the progress. Call bae and tell her you are on the grave digging brigade.
Coursework
This might be easily averted by bae, however tell her you are a finalist who can’t afford not to do coursework and raise good results. She’ll understand. Expect the cold shoulder treatment meanwhile, for the next two months where you’ll reconsider your hand for bodily desires.
Do it the Banda (ahem) way.
Invite Bae over, buy a few blue candles. Blue candles are romantic. Buy fried chicken off some roadside vendor, you might pack it inside a KFC pack and a few fries. Pass by any wine shop and buy small bottled Bella wine, invite bae to your room, send your roomie home and have fun with bae. Play romantic music off your sub woofers. You only live once. It’s good for your wallet.
Break up
Well, just pull the plug off your relationship. Love is evil! Move on and give your life to Christ. Call bae and tell her you are renouncing fornication and all agents of fornication.
Happy valentines!
