By Agatha Muhaise
One day I decided to post a vague status, ‘I want to post on my wall but I have nothing to write.’ Irrelevant!!! (I know!), I actually scored about 50 comments but an impatient friend slapped it in my face that I was being an idol dwanz. To be honest he was right, at some point we tend to use social media irrelevantly. We agree, you are campusers and are looking for attention and fans basically, but there are some statuses that make me want to break my screen into pieces (and I am not alone). I never like getting involved in people’s business but in this case, am make an exception. I have therefore decided to use this platform to pick a rant with the social media statuses that annoy the hell out of us.
Your life on the wall
‘Headed to the lecturer room’, ‘OMG! This hangover’, ‘this lecturer is boring #yawn’. My dear we do not want the details of your life showing up in our news feeds every after five minutes. Taking pictures of KFC buckets and posting them on Facebook, twitter, instagram and all to show off. You call it bragging, we call it maalo. In this case some of you realize nobody is paying attention so you resort to tagging us in your statuses to force attention. The very civil ones will just like the status and move on some of us will of cause throw disses on you wall.
Hey there! I am using WhatsApp
Yes! We know you are using whatsApp that is why you appear on our WhatsApp lists. That status was put there as an example and advertising purposes. But if you are still using it two months after you have bought your first smart phone, either you give away that phone or give it a break and return to the owner because you are underutilizing it. As we do not see you posting “hi, I am using Facebook” every day. In general using default statuses is one way to catastrophically manage to make us think you are a terminator of some sorts. If you still have this and you are on my contact list am contemplating on blocking you.
Inspiration
We love a little inspiration here and there, it brightens up our days. But too much of anything has always sucked. Maybe if you are trying to become the next Joyce Meyer or T.D. Jakes stop over posting quotations. For the first few times we shall like them and drop a few comments of appreciation but later we won’t care, we shall read them and be like ‘eeeeh!! It’s a quote again’…scroll down! Otherwise create a public figure page and squeeze all you wisdom on that wall, maybe we shall stop by if we need inspiration.
Relationships
We get it relationships are not easy. But if you are single in the morning, in a relationship by mid-morning, engaged by lunch married by afternoon and it is complicated in the evening, I bet by the next morning you will be divorced. Let us be serious, even Jenifer Lopez can’t go through a relationship that fast. We, who are reading your post totubalamu magezi! (Please editor don’t change my language alter, it serves me right). If you are doing this for attention, good news is-you won’t be getting any. This is you crashing caterpillars and expecting butterflies soon. And it is sure as hell NOT appropriate to broadcast the details of your last break up with that course mate, this is a wall not your diary.
I cannot leave this category without mentioning girls who carry their grudges to course group walls and start throwing fists of words and melodrama before the whole class. Get a ring!!!
Song lyrics
“I sometimes read someone’s status and it is so inspiring, and am like…wait! I think I have heard that in a song.” A disgruntled Riley student at UCU complains. At least 2 out of 5 people have friends who like listening to songs and then posting the lyrics on their walls. The song is nice we agree, we have all listened to it. And congratulations! You finally discovered that website that has provided you with the correct lyrics. You do not have to take an extra mile and show us you know the lyrics by posting it on your wall. Go sing for cash on KFM or something, not twitter.
Marketing
‘Hi, I just won a free dell laptop click here’ ‘I made 300 dollars in two days, you can also do it’. I do not have a problem with these along as you stay away from my wall. If you want to advertise on my wall then pay for the space, simple. Something for something not something for irritation. I am enticed to threaten all my friends (NOTE: threaten not warning) next time you advertise on my wall…you will not like it!!! (We both know I aint doing nothing to you).
Black mailing me into liking
This usually starts with how God loves us, Jesus died for our sins or the cute picture of the sick kid living with cancer. Then it navigates into blackmailing us. Mbu, if you love God you should like this or If you have a heart like this picture. I know I am not heartless that is exactly why I just skip these statuses. For your information to enter heaven, God will not count the number of likes you gave him. Therefore save me the stress of pinning us with guilt.
And by the way, if you know you are a campuser and a true fun of campus bee prove it by liking this story and following me on twitter (wink*).
