Philip Etemesi
Dating a ratchet campus chic can be as tough as trying to eliminate bedbugs from Makerere University halls. It’s like taking porridge with a fork. The reason why dating these so called divas is such a daunting task is because they have countless priorities and expectations, all of which are misplaced. They are the ladies that will turn out to be majority shareholders in your little money. You find yourself living for her when you are yet to even learn the art of hustle.
In the words of J.Cole, these are the chicas that give you more headache than head. Despite the tons of troubles that they bring with them, they are way too addictive. They make you do desperate things just to please them. You even end up lying to your parents how your lecturer ordered you to buy an expensive book called Instagram, just so they can give you some cash.
Fellow guys, at the rate at which good women are being converted to ratchets, you’ll have to settle for one of them in future if even if you vowed to never go out with this species. Worry not, campus ninjas, I suffered too during my fresher days but figured it out later. This is the complete guide to dating a ratchet campus diva
Buy her alcohol at least once a week
Smirnoff black Ice is the most preferable drink. A sophistiratchet has the incontrollable desire to drink but she doesn’t want to spend her money on it so she really appreciates a man who handles that bit for her. If you are her constant alcohol dealer, you’ll build an everlasting rapport with her and you’ll be more guaranteed to hit the puna time and time again.
Fake promises
Lie with all your heart and soul. Just make sure she only finds out the truth when it’s too late. You have no reason to play fair yet she doesn’t. Remember that these ladies hate men who have no potential of success. Lie about having connections that might help her in future- like lie to her that you work in state house as Butler. Don’t lie when you have no ways of backing it up though. If you say you have money, then at least dress like you have money. Pretending to have connections to modeling giants will also boost you a great deal since every hot sophistiratchet campus chic believes she should be a star model.
Don’t spend too much time with her
If you are always there whenever she needs you, then you have already lost. She’ll curve you sooner than you expect. In order to successfully date a ratchet campus chic, you have to make sure that she’s the one looking for you. She should be the one asking ‘babe oliwa?’ These girls live boring lives in reality. They can’t help themselves, so they are always on a journey in search of fun. Be the dude with the plan and she’ll always come after you.
Don’t ask her to cook
Cooking is your problem. Don’t bring her into that equation. You are asking her to cook yet there’s a thirsty working class ninja out there who’s willing to buy her Pizza and Amarula every week. She’ll dump your traditional a*ss for putting her in an uncomfortable situation. Even if you are broke, make sacrifices and treat her from time to time. Surprise her with simple things like cakes, chocolate and yoghurt. They are not expensive but she’ll appreciate.
Be a beast in bed
Bed is by default but try the table, bathroom, couch etc. Even if you have failed in other areas, this one will cover up for all your misdemeanors. Ratchet campus girls love freaky s*xual stuff. Throw the missionary position in the dustbin. Make sure you kill that P whenever you get the chance. She’ll always come knocking at your door for more. A lady never forgets a man who is superman in bed. You’ll always have a special place in her heart and even if she moves into another relationship, expect her to holla from time to time, Just use protection always. Kitwe is a pathway to troubles. The number of men this chic has slept with since she was deflowered is probably higher than her IQ. So don’t be a fool ma nigga!
