The pope should return. And be witness to the ‘morality’ hitherto hidden, he needs to return and lay hands on his daughters in Makerere, daughters affiliated to the society of nudity.
He needs to bring potent holy water and sprinkle it upon the gates of all hostels, all halls and all rooms. Paapa, uncle Kabushenga made a killing when he brought in rosaries from Vatican, everyone wanted a taste of those rosaries; duck sellers in Lira, matooke farmers in Kiboga, Chapati investors in Kamuli, irish Potato growers in Kabale, all saved 100k for the holy rosary.
Paapa, the 100k rosary mania caused such fire in Makerere, you wouldn’t believe it but boyfriends who failed to afford the 100k rosaries were sent packing. My good friend Ojaame bought her girlfriend a rosary, but she refused to take it off in the heat of passion, he says he couldn’t climax seeing the rosary around her neck. ‘Bwana, all I saw was the face of Jesus recording me sin.’
He worries it might bring him ‘bisirina.’ Your daughter Fabiola, you definitely know your daughters. She’s been a good girl, no nudes! But Paapa, I bring bad news, you see, when one chases frogs from his house, toads and lizards always suppose they might be welcome in your house. Well, after disbanding the demons of nudity from Fabiola, the demons seem to have possessed your younger daughter Kleith Kyotuhaire. It’s worrying papa, you see it’s a matter of urgency.
Ever since Kitone sold out, Makerere girls have been on a nude unleashing spree. It worries all of us. Your other older son, Museveni, just granted national recognition of Malwa, it’s now the official drink of Uganda. Now, University boys have embraced the same, all drinkers of Malwa, the old, the current and the future will be entitled to a share of two million. My good friend Ojok from Gulu University wants to drop out of school. He sees a business opportunity. Paapa, see why you should return? Malwa and nudes, big trouble. But your son shouldn’t bother donate hoes, we have enough sharp hoes in Makerere, nasty hoes in UCU, hoes that dig gold in Mubs, what else would one need? However, Busitema needs real hand hoes. Paapa, visit Makerere, and exorcise the demons of nudity, send the ghosts of fornication packing. Paapa, it breaks me to say, but morning after pills are such hot cakes around Makerere. Morning after pills aren’t headache pills, they’re living testimony of the ghosts of fornication.
You remember that motor mouth son of yours; Tamale, UCC wants to gag his mouth, they say he suffers chronic verbal diarrhoea, they claim they want to cure him. We are told you laid hands on him, oh Paapa, this time don’t lay hands on him, let him drink holy water, wash his tongue with holy water and plant a slap on his lips. Maybe then the ghosts hiding under his tongue will be sent packing, laying hands on him won’t be enough. His ‘Engalabi’ is hard enough. Yours Crazy drone!
