The semester is coming to a halt. Everyone always has a lot to contemplate in such times; from weighing probabilities of retakes to making possible plans for next semester.
Next semester is going to be interesting by the look of events. It is a transitional shift to another year, only that it happens in the middle of the literal year. I am happy to move to another year, I am only happier because the Society will be invaded by Freshmen and women.
When Freshers come, the way I will identify one that will first of all, be pleasant to the eye, which undoubtedly means it will have to be a girl. And like any other responsible Citizen, I will offer myself to help her in the ‘blending in’ process of the University. My services will be completely free of charge and I will demand no monetary appreciation for them. I will expect her to, in return, pay me regular visits especially on days when my roommate is away and I am alone and bored. Or days when the weather gets stubborn and we experience conditions below the freezing point, I will expect her to pay me surprise visits to inquire about my well being as she will be very well conversant with the allergies I possess – predominant among them, my allergy to coldness.
Whenever she is coming to my place, I will expect her to bring with her changing clothes just in case time catches up with her and I cant give her a push which will mean she will have to spend the night around.
And I will lay my bed so well that it will tempt her to agree to share it with me instead of the usual bullshit of borrowing an extra mattress from my neighbors’ and laying it down for her.
When we are going to sleep, I will undress and stay in my briefs after offering my nightdress to her.
I will sleep on the fragile end of the bed and leave the wall position for her. That makes me come out as very caring in a way that I am preventing an instance of her falling off and her booty bouncing up and down on the floor which would con-figuratively cause elements in my briefs to also bounce up and down in the end of it all cause unnecessary eruptions that would hitherto have been prevented.
I will immediately dose off and sleep because I dont want to give my thoughts any room of getting dirty. The Fresher will with malice aforethought cross her leg over me but I will interpret that as Satan’s way of indulging with my precious sleep and I will not mind. I will push her leg back to its previous position and tell her to ‘sala puleesa’.
In the morning, I will boast about my restraint prowess and how I can escape any forms of temptation. She will at this moment be disappointed and think I am impotent or gay but I will read her mind and and immediately assure her that it’s just how I do my things.
I will prove to her that I am actually lethal by showing her my long list of ex-girlfriends and the terms of my relationship which include among others – cohabiting.
She will then move on with satisfaction and envy at the same time.
Satisfaction from the explanation I just gave about why I didn’t do it and envy for not having such a wonderful guy for a boyfriend.
