Hey, I am Janet from Makerere University Business School [MUBS]. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and we have been having sex avidly. Is there such thing as too much sex? We do it almost every time we see an opportunity and often more than once a day. It used to be amazing then, and now, it’s just not. I’m still super attracted to him, but it just doesn’t feel as good anymore to me, I almost feel nothing now. He’s still super into it and I don’t want to stop, but I just don’t know how to fix the problem.
Yes, there’s such a thing as too much sex — and there’s a simple way to tell. If you are having sex when you’d rather not, that’s too much sex. If you’re having sex “every time we see an opportunity,” I’m not surprised that it’s not amazing anymore. How could you be amazed by sex that’s such a constant part of your routine? Particularly when it comes to sex, a little denial and a little pent-up desire can go a long way.
Sometimes, great sex can get boring because we get lazy. When it’s great, we simply assume it’s going to stay great. We don’t get in the habit of talking about it, listening to what our partners want, or trying anything other than what worked so damn well the last time. I imagine that’s particularly frustrating for you, since your boyfriend is “still super into it” and you’re not. You’re in the awkward position of having to bring this up, when it sounds like he isn’t aware there’s a problem.
Hopefully, you can take some time to think about what you do want: Is it simply less sex, so that when you do get intimate, it feels less routine? Or do you want to mix it up? Do you want something more affectionate or more exciting? Do you crave surprise, new kinks, more variety, or just more quiet nights on the couch? Or are you not satisfied with the sex because you don’t feel as satisfied with the rest of your relationship?
