I am Edith at Nkozi University. I have been dating this guy for quite a while now, he loves and cares for me and I do just the same but when it comes to bedroom matters, something is missing. He always is absent minded and he makes sex so boring to the extent that I feel unwanted sexually. People tell me he has sexual performance anxiety but who is he trying to please? I love him already and if that can’t make him get an erection, I am confused. What should I do?
Hey Edith, don’t lose hope just yet, he might get that erection you want so bad real soon if you try and follow this advice. He wants to please you but anxiety gets the best of him and the stress that comes with doing it right constricts the blood vessels thus sending less blood to the penis thus making an erection a hard paper.
Anxiety can also affect women. Anxiety can prevent women from getting lubricated enough to have sex, and it can take away the physical desire to make love. Sexual performance anxiety leads to a perpetual cycle. You become so anxious about sex that you can’t perform, which leads to even more sexual performance anxiety.
What you should do if you have sexual performance anxiety;
- See a doctor and have some tests run to make sure a health condition or medication isn’t causing your sexual performance issues.
- Talk to a therapist who will help you understand and be comfortable with your sexuality.
- Be open with your partner so they can know what is going on in your head during sex, this can reduce the pressure you have on yourself.
- Get intimate in other ways. There are many other ways to be intimate without actually having sex. Give your partner a sensual massage or take a warm bath together. Take turns pleasing each other with masturbation so you don’t always have to feel pressured to perform sexually.
- Exercise a lot, this has been proved to improve stamina in bed.
- Distract your self with music when making love.
- Finally, take it easy on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about your appearance or ability in bed. Get help for sexual performance anxiety so you can get back to having a healthy and enjoyable sex life.
There you have it Edith, I hope this does help.
