Dear Mum,
The Semester is coming to a close. I didn’t say that because I don’t have transport back home (actually, it is true – I don’t have it) but because I felt I should just remind you. If you have been cooking food for one, start planning to cook for Four.
I lost weight this semester and would love to regain it in record time. I will cover the three in the four I just told you about.
So I got lucky, mum. I was elected GRC. But it hasn’t changed the girls’ reaction towards me. They don’t gasp for breath when I talk to them. They don’t smile for no reason when they meet me. They treat me like before and I am left wondering, should I continue with these things or should I change focus and maybe concentrate on something like singing (Girls commit suicide because of Beiber. No one has even knocked a stone when they meet me.)
We had dinner the other day. My date was amazing. She hypnotized everyone on my table. I looked through the brain of the girl across and I saw jealousy. She wasn’t jealous because she wasn’t the GRC’s date, she was jealous because my date had better makeup and had killed that look.
However, my date left me stranded after the dinner. She got away with the cool(er) kids with a car after assuring me that my idea of us jumping on a boda boda together was ridiculous. I am not HURT because of paying close to 160,000 UGX to take her to the dinner. I am not hurt because she left me behind.
I am hurt because when she hugged me, she left lipstick paste on my cool coat and my roommate up to now thinks I was lucky enough to get a kiss when I actually didn’t.
So mum, next semester, I want a car. I also want to be a cool kid. I want to go to dinner and steal people’s girls. I want to drive girls around in my car, reach the petrol station and boastfully tell the pump attendant to wipe my windscreen. I don’t want a Vitz mum, I want a bigger car.
I also wanted to tell you that I shaved my hair. Willingly – for the first time. I didn’t wait for you to first call and threaten to freeze my mobile money account before I shave. I cut that shit off because it was too long. I had not cut this hair since January and it was thick as hell. Like I had told you before, it isn’t because I am a miser. It is because I am time conscious. Mum, I always calculate and ask myself;
” These minutes I will spend in the salon, how many more Law Reports would I have covered if I dont go there?”
And like the nice son of yours that loves books so much, I always end up foregoing shaving for the Library.
I know you don’t care about what I am going to say next but mum, this semester has been awesome. Manchester City is in Champions League Semi Finals and it feels damn good. The last time I engaged you in football talk, Arsenal were top flight and Red Banton was a singer with a juicy career ahead of him. Now he is a legend with a bright career behind him. So I appreciate the fact that you’ll find discomfort in the football chat I have brought up but I hope you dont mind.
Yours,
Son.
