“There is a lot of heat.”
That is what my friend (who is a girl) told me upon asking about the situation in my home district.
I quickly jumped on the expression and asked,
“Which heat?”
“Sun heat or heat heat?”
If she had replied with the answer I anticipated, I would probably be in Mbarara right now. But she answered with what I always get whenever I try to get naughty with a girl.
“You pervert!”
So I quickly changed conversation and asked about where she would spend her holiday, now that Campus has been called off. She said she was going to be in Kabarole.
Now, this girl has been in Kampala practically all her life and whenever she mentions anything to do with her ancestral home, I stop listening.
Anyone can notice that she is blonde about the place. She cant even speak their language fluently.
I, at that moment saw an opportunity to score my equaliser. She had called me a pervert, I had not forgotten yet. So I said,
“Of what good are you to Kabarole, you City girl?”
She swung forward and planted her hefty palm on my bubbly cheeks.
Now for starters, I read anger management Literature so I rarely respond to anger with anger. I learnt a lesser violent way to deal with it.
I shout at the top of my voice. (That isn’t anger, it is just an abnormally loud voice.)
“What the fcuk?”, I hooted.
She asked me what I had called her and I said just City girl.
It isn’t my problem that you are not used to my foreign accent. When I say City, I mean City. Not what you hear.
Campus accents are a nightmare. In moments when they don’t land you in trouble like my case, they make you look like Robin Kisti. Only that most times you are less cooler than that beautiful presenter.
It is mostly with the girls. They have acquired an art of turning tongues.
She speaks like an American in one instance and turns a Mukiga in record time.
Statements like, “Oh palizz, I kennat do that” and “irriz okay” are so common among these girls.
However, what I don’t understand up to now is, what is cool in that Nigerian tongue that is almost but not English.
Girls even use it in texts now. Whenever your lines are on their lucky day, you will see a girl texting repetitive laughing emojis and the statement “ah beg oh” at the end.
Usually, I always stop texting whenever she says that unless she is a 10/10.
Freshers, if you haven’t noticed, this is an educative series for you. There is no other place you’ll get such first hand initiation about the dos and donts of Campus. So apart from planning to visit every major hangout in the City, plan to have a normal accent too. Those irregular phrases suck for most of us (the cool ones.)
