Osekeny Joel Francis
So I still have this long time to be at campus and I’m already psyched up to finish. I decided to make the most out of this remaining 16 or so months.
While many of my colleagues were busy doing intern and pretending to keep uncomfortably and unreasonably smart to impress their supervisors, I was busy plotting how I would get wasted during this long concluding holiday. I risked to lose the field attachment marks and decided to travel on a road trip to particularly two regions in Uganda-the West and West Nile.
I had quite a beautiful time in the west, and with my own eyes saw Muhanga’s cows and goats that were worth the billions that bought UBC land. With proof of my word against yours that you may not believe, her farm did not have bulls and I saw that. The farm was equally spiced up with bits of strange chicken.
The girls from the west are quite a breed. Bathed in mirik (a pronunciation of milk in the popular western dialect) and honey, these girls get pride in being the most beautiful creatures Uganda’s nature has to offer. Leave the waterfalls and wild animals out of this league. These girls are endowed. Be it their mothers, sengas or even their grandmothers. Their shapes and appeal does not seem to age.
I took a lot of souvenirs for myself from this region including video clips of my own escapades in the west. I have tapes, that include sessions of the real thing. I managed to even acquire a different version of the late Eriya Kategaya’s daughters story that included myself.
I then made for my last destination to the north-The West Nile. My timetable did not include lots of places over there. So I was selective of the places I intended to visit. Among these was BJ’s bar, a popular hangout out for the Gulu university’s finest.
It was one Friday evening, I decided to hang out. So I visited BJ’s bar. I was not even 10 minutes into my calabash when a spectacle froze me. It was the way souls were staring at a new entrant. Then I saw her. Still shocked I thought out loud. She was the one.
Ever since the Range Rover girl went viral on social media, my crush list took a new twist. My top 10 was greatly transformed. The Range Rover girl topped my most wanted. She turned my list into the yardstick I would use to determine the subsequent numbers below her. I would die for this girl.
S***t. I thought I was looking at her. She just cannot be in Gulu. I was very certain the Range Rover story was not birthed from Gulu.
This new girl swayed towards my direction. The Range Rover clip did not reveal every detail of the narrator but I was so persistent to believe this new girl was her complete replica. Her eyes! Her nose! Her lips! Her skin, her whole. She had a smooth skin like that of the lady she narrated in the RR incident. This was one of the creatures Gulu university was grooming.
This was the perfect moment for me. I gave her a sip of my calabash that I was emptying. She wanted more and more of it. I told her I had plenty of it in my room. She whispered-YES. Take me there, and I will have more of that from where it came from.
I called out a boda boda guy, uttered directions and offered her a seat like the gentleman she had turned me into. Then we were so close. She sat on me. I ordered the boda guy to take us slow. I intended to have more of the sitting.
I opened the padlock to invite my guest inside my room. Offered her a seat on my bed as I brought more of the calabash that she had tirelessly been waiting for. She yearned for more of it. And there she was, and there I was, galloping the content of my calabash together and we were totally wasted.
