`Jovan stop!’ I pulled the sheets back on. Of recent, my moods have been sour thanks to tests, class presentations, and the rains…I hate rain! I hate tests! You can’t blame me for being in a bad mood. Tania let Jovan in. I heard him say, ` Could you excuse us…’ She must think he’s my boyfriend. He’s the only guy who comes around to see me. I just want to stay in bed. He didn’t even tell me he was coming. Damn him! Now he’s yanking my sheets away. I keep putting them back over me and he pulls them away again. ` Jovan stop! What’s with you?’
`Exactly what I came here for. Trudie what’s with you? What demon has possessed you? We need to talk.’ He yanks them off again and I sit up and throw dagger eyes at him.
`I’m seriously in the wrong moods right now. Let me be. ‘He pulls the sheets off completely and throws them to the other side of the room. They fall in a heap. He’s angry. I can tell by the way he’s looking at me, but it’s wrong timing. I’m not in the mood to deal with people. I stand up quietly, walk over to my beddings and pick them up. I walk back to my bed and he grabs them away and tosses them aside again. `Jovan you’re losing it.’
`You’re the one who’s losing it. You’re totally losing it. What’s gotten over you?’ I just fold my arms and look up at him. I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I’m not about to ask him to tell me. He knows it because he knows the person that I am. `You didn’t have to have sex with him, but you did! Fuck you!’ Now, there’s been a lot of `hims’ I’ve been sleeping with I don’t know what exact `him’ he’s talking of. `Chris,’ he hisses. The name doesn’t ring a bell.
` Who’s Chris?’
`Gosh. Don’t play dump…not now.’
`You know I don’t play dump, tell me if you want to tell me.’
We are practically quarreling at each other. He takes both of my shoulders and starts to shake me. He’s insane. I hate being shaken like a child.
`You need to stop it Trudie. You broke the rules.’ I don’t even know what rules he’s talking about. He’s getting me really angry. `You didn’t have to have sex with that artist. I paid your bills so you didn’t have to pay in anyway, but you went on and did it. You’re not supposed to sleep with my friends, not my friends.’
`Just stop shaking me, Jovan. Stop! I don’t even get why you’re angry at me I had sex with your friend so what?’
`You could sleep with anyone, just not my friends. You know you shouldn’t, you acted like a bitch.’
` You just realised I’m a bitch? Hahaha what a joke! You paid for the the word to be tattooed across my ass. Oh, I get it…I hurt your ego. How bad? So you expect me to apologise? I can’t apologise for having sex, I don’t regret it. He was good by the way…’ He slaps me. Jovan slapped me. I’ve never been slapped, ever. I go quiet for a moment holding my cheek.
`You and I are done,’ he says.
` I don’t see what’s done. We had nothing going on. We were nothing or rather we are nothing. You actually have no right to be angry at me, just get out. Jovan go before I really lose it this time.’
`I’d like to see you lose it. You are already insane now…’ I fly at him like a wild cat and dig my fingernails into his face I draw blood. He holds my hands and throws me back to the bed. God! Why didn’t I ever learn karate?
He comes at me. I must admit I can’t really fight. I just throw my arms and legs in the air haphazardly. That’s what I decide to do, but he manages to hold my limbs down. He lies atop of me, so close I can’t move. Our hearts are racing. His kiss comes as a shock to me. He kisses me hard, possessively, with anger, like he has a point to prove.
It’s like he wants to punish me through the kiss. I try to fight it, but he’s stronger, so I kiss him back with anger. We can’t keep it up. We both can’t. We grope at each other, I scratch, we bite into each other’s lips but still we kiss. It’s rough we were seeking to hurt. He rips the shirt I’ve been sleeping in apart. I have no underwear on. He rips his clothes off. A chill runs through me. He looks possesed. He gets into me and pistons without care. It hurts. It hurts like hell. He’s going too fast, too hard, too rough and I scream rather than moan. The way he goes at me is more beastly than human, but that I can draw this much emotion out of him is rather exciting. I find myself loving the pain, anticipating every thrust, but I can’t quite get hold of the pleasure. It’s dashing. It hurts, I shut my eyes.
`No, don’t, don’t close them,’ he hisses and I open them and look him in the eye. He looks rather different. He’s Jovan but not really Jovan. He’s hurting me, and I realise he wants to hurt me through the one thing I love, sex. Tears glisten my eyes, but I’m determined not to cry. I squeeze them shut and bite my lower lip to try and stiffle my screaming. He goes really hard as if to remind me my eyes should be open. I open them and tears flow. I’m watching his face through misted eyes. He groans out loud and I feel his come flooding my insides…
Yours truly,
Trudie.
