He Claimed to Attend Classes and Dub Babes in Spirit – City Lawyer Raps Remnant Ssenyonga

There are always hilarious moments that we share with the students we go to school with. Most of them so funny that we hold them dear for ages. You can be seated at home, see a picture of yourself and a friend from primary and people just see you bursting out in laughter. What they usually don’t get, is the humour that comes with just a simple recollection of moments you shared.

One thing is for sure however, recollecting a funny moment for third parties to actually experience that same humour is an art of itself. Not many can have it. Harold Ntale, a lawyer and advocate within Kampala is one such guy that has consistently retold jokes from his class and cracked up many other students that would otherwise never have felt the humour.

Today, Campus Bee features one of such stories that involves renown Remnant and former classmate of the writer, Simon Ssenyonga.

With another batch of our colleagues having graduated yesterday (Makerere in January), it is only right that we reminisce on a few events that shaped our time at law school. I bring you a few.

1. The Class Representative Elections
   On our first morning at law school, the then Deputy Principal, Mr. Wandera, tasked us to elect a class representative. Just when we had all thought that Mugumya (Edwin – of KATS Advocates) had taken the day unopposed, a one Kimbowa Asiisi rose up, smartly clad in his trademark grey bell-bottom trousers. He lambasted us for allowing someone win unopposed which in his opinion, was uncharacteristic of lawyers. He spoke with untold oratory to which he received a thunderous applause. This gave him the dutch courage to vie for the top post too. He was shocked to amass only 3 votes.
2. Prince Ivan Kayondo’s Discussion Group
   One of the most active students in our 1st semester was without doubt Prince Ivan Kayondo. He would take on lecturers with relative ease. He used this opportunity to start a discussion group that consisted of only the cute babes in class. He was the only guy there. Some of the regular attendees of his discussion group were Gwennie Patience and Agasha Sheila (all very pretty girls). In the eyes of the discussion group members, he was the alpha and omega of the law. However, when the results of the 1st semester exams were released, Kayondo’s corporate academic veil was not only pierced but also lifted plunging the group members into a state of panic and confusion. They fled the group en masse. It was a blow Kayondo couldn’t recover from. It was akin to the death of the darling cow, Bihogo, among the Bachwezi.
3. Manano’s dyed hair
   When the scramble and partition for lady justices gained momentum in early 2nd year, people started doing extraordinary things to attract the womenfolk. Folks like Carlos radically altered their accents, Graham bought a new pair of jeans and Musinguzi Arthur almost bleached. Manano, not wanting to be left out of the craze, decided to dye his hair; something that put him on a collision course with Mr. Isaac Bakayana. It later emerged that someone had misrepresented to him that he would turn out to be a William Levy after the hair dye only to turn out a Sadio Mane.
4. The Metamorphosis of Ssenyonga
   Many still can’t believe that the man who vied for GRC in 1st year, Guild Presidency in 3rd year & was once a respectable mooter is now a pseudo prophet with a keen interest in teleportation. He recently stated that he would attend LDC classes in the spirit. He allegedly sat for the Corporate and Commercial exam from the comfort of his auntie’s home in Nansana. He also averred that he dabbed a number of bummy LDC babes at the LDC dinner after-party in the spirit. Many of us in the legal fraternity can’t wait for the landmark decision of Ssenyonga vs Ssenyonga [Matrimonial Cause No. 001 of 2023] on whether spiritual consummation amounts to consummation in law.
5. Mr. Fred Mpanga’s classes
   For those who opted for Intellectual Property Law and International Trade, the dragon of the Angel’s classes always left us on tenterhooks. On a lighter side though, they were ladden with untold humour. He once described Kayondo James as the black cat that used to roam the bamboo every night, he nicknamed Irene Deborah “Miss Gabon” and once said Benji was as good as dead. He also once described his dad as a moron in a hurry for having bought a Sonq radio thinking it was the same brand as Sony.
6. Romance
   Many registered success on the love front. Alowo, Ngonzi, Teopista and Morna all seem to have got potential husbands from our class. Others got non lawyers. Betty Achom recently gave birth. She took to facebook to disclose what had attracted her to her man. The reason was none other than his long fingers. Our very own Baya and Cleopatra had their weddings last year. This inspired one Opio Bill who was overheard telling his close associates, “2019 will be my year.” His plan was to propose to the pretty-faced Sharon Akankwasa of formerly the evening class in the first week of January. Unbeknowst to him, her ex, one Twomo, had only a few days back successfully applied for a certificate of repossession hence nullifying all Bill’s feelings.

Ntale Harold.
LLB Hons. (MUK), Dip. (LDC), LLM (Warwick), PHD Fellow (Witwatersrand).