Before you get to campus, you adore those hippies that garb in a stylish manner so much that you envy them. You envy them so much you start beefing them and for the weak souls, the girls, you start spreading false gossip about how that girl you envy has aborted several times just to tarnish that beautiful image she rides on. And let’s be frank, when you get there, you realize there is nothing special about campus apart from the degree and the horde of boys that will hit on you.
Maybe the drink-ups will pull your nose a little but let’s admit it campusbees; we come from different environments, background and culture yes but if the celebrities who constantly hoot despotically and fanatically about acting well at school act in a bizarre mannerism, it brings one question into play; Have they been there before? But see, that’s not for us to answer because well, credit crunch has no taste, it pounces where it pleases.
And because we have many celebrities in thrall to such perplexities, its only fascinating to imagine them back at school though, while we take our celebrities back in their first years of campus just to see and assume judging from their lifestyle now how they would behave, it is also a chance for the souls who never felt the hefty load of course work a chance to redeem their selves and feel like they went to school.
When he speaks, you picture a ghetto boy who went to school after the whole of Kamwokya village collected money to pay for his M.D.D course because they spotted talent in him but guess what he does when he reaches campus. He brags that he lives in Muyenga and his parents are as load-ass as bill gates, that they give Sudhir Ruparellia loans for his sugar business. And like the lyricist he is, he woos and sleeps with every girl in his faculty. He is so canning even lecturers develop goose bumps when he is near them, they think their salary is pocket change to him. But they have no idea he treks from Kamwokya to the M.U.K campus and he always has exactly 1k for Kikomando which is hidden so far away from his hands because ghetto boys are big time thieves, they can even steal from themselves.
Judging from his arrogance, no system of University can stand or groom such a stupid fellow and if it’s there, it is Muteesa 2 Royal University. He is a minister’s son so he would be flanking every course unit but the lectures fear losing their jobs so they give him marks and he passes. He would be doing Bachelor of Sign Language, yes, Sign language. He would be in one of the most expensive hostels in the University because you know that illusion he has over being the best. Bebe would have a very beautiful girlfriend who loves him even when he has no penny. She would confide in Bebe Cool because he is a minister’s son!
Huh! Juliana would be one of those hot babes who reside either in Nana Hostel or Akamwesi. She would be the kind who’s picked up by classy and posh rides. The kind who never dates campus boys because they are not her ‘class’. And after all her socialite life, she would definitately accumulate mob retakes. But she’d use her hotness to somehow turn those retakes into As. Juliana would be offering Mass Communication.
Chameleone has money now but he is still lanky and looks malnourished. If you met him outside his cars, you would mistake him for a luggage lifter at mutaasa Kafeero. Because he was pictured with Doreen Kabareebe who became a celebrity for not wearing pants ,where else would he be if not U.C.U. He would be the broke guy who is always pulling pranks on fellow students for money and after being flogged many times, he resorts to shooting sextapes for up keep.
Now this one is a bloke, she will hang out with campusers yet in actual sense, she is not at campus but dropped out in form 2 after a pregnancy by their houseboy at home. The girls she hangs out with obviously wonder why she always foots their bills while they are out and in explanation, she will initiate them to cross generational sex and for the closer ones who are as greedy a she is, they will be introduced to her new friend, Ronald Mayanja (now chameleone), with whom they shoot sextapes.
Radio and Weasel
Now these bu ones would be doing karaoke at the clubs and we all know Moze Radio alias Moses Sekibogo speaks good English but his pencil thin body deters him from getting laid so he would be spending most of the money he gets from the karaoke shows to buy hookers at top pub but judging from his lyrics, he would be smart in class and would therefore pass easily while Weasel on the other hand would simply be his puppet, doing whatever Moze comes up with.
Irene would the bad gyal who does shisha, alcohol and cigarettes. Owing to her gangstalicioucness, she would be that broke babe who deals in selling weed (call it a joint) to her fellow students. See, she’d find life at campus so easy since she always has away of earning money. On Fridays, she would be a usual suspect at the Hive (Just like Nasta). Pychology would be her course and surprisingly, should be acing tests and exams.
You know those dudes who always come to campus with a ride, he hopes out with his sagging pants and raybans on feeling a Brad Pitt on us? well this would be Navio. This guy would date all the hot girls. His hostel would be fully pimped with a 31″ flat screen TV, fridge and a king size bed. He would most probably be doing a business course at MUBS. Navio would be pay his broke friends like JB to do his course work and tests! Boy! this guy would be a bigtyme celeb.
This guy would be a party animal. He would be the guy with comps to all campus nights in town. Of course he would use his comps to hook up hot girls. He would be the type who travels all the way from Nkozi to happen in K’la. He’d be doing Saturday and Sunday tests with a hangover and end up failing.
This one would be the type that makes every one in his class wonder how they got at campus as he cannt and hardly speaks any English the day he speaks it he gets a fever. He wouldn’t continue anyway so he would drop out and join Angella Kalule’s band and like her, he will also claim he studied on proxy to fool the people.
Folks, bees or whatever gongs your bell, Eddie kenzo and Aziz Azion where cut from the same cloth. He is his brother from another mother. They all get malaria when they speak English and while they are both famous with the ladies for their love ballads, we imagine Eddie Kenzo would be this ka guy from Kabale who goes to school after his parents and relatives sell 5 cows for his upkeep and tuition. Because his parents are illiterate and won’t ask him for bank slips as they can’t read them so they ask for more than they will use only for them to blow the dime when the sharp campusers de-tooth him and he is always broke so he is a regular at Kikomando stalls.