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Dear Freshers, consider this as your guide to safe stay at any campus you’re in. We have been there and done that and those that didn’t, wish they did.

Don’t try to be too clever
We’ve all met this fresher who seems to know campus more than you. The little brat allegedly knows all the happening places and shockingly enough might even know his course outline, yours inclusive.

However, when u ask him to “educate” you about how CGPA is calculated, he looks at you like an electrocuted toad. Be cool, be calm and remember no one will teach you how to count sticks if you act too clever.

Plot twist, be clever.
As Kenny Rogers once said, “you got to know when to hold on, know when to walk away, know when to RUN!”

At times the chips and chicken become too “mwaaa!” and before you realise it, you are under some sly fox’s blanket busy doing things that make some adult movies appear PG rated.


I mean who doesn’t want to eat chips na ketchup? We all damn do but be clever! Eat once or twice n run as if the devil is chasing you.

Learn to play dumb
Some lecturers like “smart kids” who read before lectures n even challenge them in class. Those lecturers are in movies, this is reality! If you keep opening your sharp mouth to challenge your elders, you will swallow retakes like meatballs.

If he says Kagame is the president of Uganda, just nod as if he has just uttered a profound truth.
If some ruthless daughter of Eve is eating your dimes but still messing around, play dumb. Don’t scare that greedy bird away. Patiently lay down the crumbs of chicken n chips that lead towards your trap.

By the time she sobbers up, she’ll be begging to introduce you to her parents. (Disclaimer: If your money is chewed and the bird flies off, I am not in anyway responsible for that misfortune.)


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Mark Muyanga

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