I won’t bother myself with pleasantries, I heard the news. The news rattled me to bits and immensely saddened me. That you, General KO, Minister of Crocodiles, renegade general of the revolutionaries, chief mouthpiece on what pertains “issues of generals,” that the mighty son of Ruhinda lost to a certain unheard of fellow whose name sounds something like a botanical name of a Puerto Rico sea weed, Donasio.
Minister, Ota, men like Donasio Ruhonda need be Knighted or granted sainthood, which sane mortal man would dare trifle with the crocodile infested waters of Ruhinda North, by standing against the only man to whom herding crocodiles, feeding widowed crocs is a passion. Contesting against you is certainly foolhardy; it is akin to tickling the “eggs” of a fully grown male Croc, it is an abomination.
But Afande Kahinda, what went wrong? Did you by any wild chance attempt to adopt new strategy, by trying out modern campaign moves, like the power of oratory and eloquence? Man, that was a big mistake… only Kampala elites and Mukono fraudsters crave such form of urban politics.
Village folks in Ruhinda, don’t need such nonsense, they want village disco, from 6am-6pm, playing songs like Sawa ya Matako nonstop. Village folks crave a large open dance arena, where they ably pull such painful dance strokes that extend into nearby maize gardens. The men don’t need walls, they pin their women against tree trunks and rub-a-dub! That’s how you win an election in a rural area.
You needn’t sulk, general. I agree with what you said, that you aren’t like Miss Jessy, “whose number of posters outweighed the votes got!”
But Jessica Alupo, riyale how could the senior Honourable minister of Education fall, that amounts to that primary school report card line, “advised to repeat p.6”
Man you are a genius. Never mind, Donasio was locked up in a cell, trust people to offer sympathy votes. People can’t see genius even when it is in their midst, trumpeting about issues of generals! But Ota how does an imprisoned man beat you? It is like losing a boxing fight to a man whose hands are tied behind him.
Your brother Daudi Migereko, Minister for Lands, won’t talk to anyone, he feels he’s been cheated, how dare a revolutionary lose to a pastor, men who speak in tongues for a living? It’s a sad tale. How unfortunate that Daudi’s monthly tithe and weekly offertory be used by pastor against Daudi, I mean that is a ground for appeal; electoral injustice!
Not all hope is lost Afande Ota, you’ve always had the Bass and I’ve always thought you’re misplaced, take your hoarse voice to that Church where Pastor Abizaayo prays and join the choir. The choir will appreciate your voice bwana.
You could use this talent appropriately and embark on singing songs of justice and constitutionalism to orphaned crocodiles… you’re a bush war hero, you needn’t demand for you transformer like some losers. Join church, wipe your tears, Jesus loves you, so does Aggie Nanduuutuuu!
Also, discontinue watching Chelsea games, they’re demonic! The winds didn’t spare your learned fellow, a certain Kidhu Makubuya, yiveni Kabakumba Masiko, of the UBC masts fame, these winds don’t care whether you’re fleet fingered or not.
Yours faithfully, loyal fan!