Every Hall of Residence has a moment of jogging – usually once or twice a month. The procedure always or almost is similar amongst all the Halls. The funny bit that you miss every time you choose Hostel over Hall for want of a self-contained room, curfew while going in and out, and payment of 100,000 UGX as fine for any sleepover is vested in this article.
Given an option to choose between Olympia Hostel and Nana, I will definately opt for Nkrumah Hall.
That is also why my heading today has a Nursery Debate motion.
That day starts at 5 a.m. (Well, to be specific, that is when I wake up.) I never get up at such times unless;
a) I have a paper at 9 a.m that morning and spent the most of my previous day very busy doing constructive work (WhatsApp flirting) and/or,
b) My roommate’s woman slept over and I dont want to experience morning torture due to activities they may want to indulge in.
For the record, the morning is one of the hardest moments in niggadom. You never know when Dr. Frankenstein (your guy) will resurrect.
So we will start as two or three of us and the first step is raising a substantial number of fellow students to interrupt the other guys’ sleep and have louder volumes of the obscenities we intend to shout along the way. We will therefore make a room to room campaign banging all the doors in the Hall and simultaneously interrupting sex sessions of the guys that forget there is jogging the next day and convince their women to stay the night.
We will specifically target the rooms of our friends that have notoriously made it a habit to live a married life. Every time we get to such an individual’s residence, we will bang the door so hard and shout at the top of our voices asking him to either remove it peacefully or await our break-in and consequent removal by force.
Rarely, the guy will open and let us in. We’ll notice that there’s no woman and relax. But usually, we will break in and find three people in the room with two sharing a bed. The one closest to the wall side of the bed will cover up the face almost as soon as we make entry and we will assemble in the room and sing a glorious song with lyrics between _“bamuziny’ekiro kyona” and “webale kumuziina”._
We then pull out two of the room occupants and force them to join the procession.
Our first stop will be the Nkrumah park yard where we circle around the mighty Osagyefo statue and sing every anthem there is. We then start by jogging around Campus whilst making stopovers at rival boys’ halls to shout ‘not nice words’ at them and then move out to Kikoni.
As soon as we drop in the road, traffic has to first recognize our presence on a compulsory basis because we either sit down in the road or advise the road users to try other routes. Sometimes though, we do both.
After that very short love – hate relationship with the road users, we drop down to lower Kikoni and camp at Julianna Hostel. From there, glorious songs of worship (real praise and worship) erupt from the joggers and circumnavigate the air.
We will be careful enough not to bore our uninterested listeners so at such moments, you will not hear any k-word coming out of anyone’s mouth.
[The k-word for first timers’ sake refers to komanyoko.]
For the return journey, I will move up that lousy hill connecting us to Campus at snail pace because I am usually very tired and shall utilise any available shortcuts to lead me to the University swimming pool where the jogging after party takes place.
I will know that I am about to reach when I am in an instance’s reach and hear shouts of,
“Eee shallow end zeee”
..usually served with full sight of an innumerable number of boys suffocating in the shallow-end of the pool but refusing to admit that they are actually there.
