To be honest, in the recent 3 years, soap and lotion have been my closest friends. They were there for me when no girl was but perhaps let me take you back to how all this started.

I started watching pornography at the age of 10 when our houseboy then known as Herbert brought a blue movie tape at home and asked me not to tell my mum that I had watched a blue movie at all. This was the day I ceased to be innocent as my urge to do what I had watched in the movie became stronger and stronger every day.

Fast forward, I joined Uganda Christian University, Mukono two years ago and this marked the beginning of what would yet become a dangerous habit in my life. You know, every new stage in life comes with advantages and disadvantages and the advantage with joining Campus was that I was given a laptop of my own but the disadvantage was what I would use it for.

One day, while I was still a fresher, my friend Bruce a renowned fuckboy in UCU told me that I should start downloading porn if I wanted to learn how to drill girl’s oil wells till they were dry. Little did I know this was a trap! In a random Google search for the best porn sites, I landed on what I would then call my treasure Islands.

I had unearthed a number of porn websites where I could download my bu clips for free. I would sit every day at Nkoyoyo Hall tapping the university Wi-Fi so that I could download my bu porn clips properly which I would later on watch alone at hostel. But this only prompted me to start masturbating, an art that I had mastered from one of my downloads. I liked it so much in that I would masturbate 4 times a day for 2 years since all the girls I was asking out were turning down my proposals anyway. Let me tell you, there’s a day when it was so cold and rainy but I had to move out of class to the toilets just to masturbate. I started carrying lotion in my bag so that I could just have my ka selefu drive anytime I needed it.

Later on, I got a girlfriend in my 3rd year called Tina but it came to my attention that I could never last longer than a minute whenever we had sex. Girls say they love you because of their hearts but not because of sex but you should have seen the look on her face every time I would ejaculate within one minute. It was beginning to frustrate her so much to the extent that she has now asked me to visit Ssenga Nambi from Buloba whom she says has a herbal cure for premature ejaculation but I’m scared of going because this might be a witch doctor.

I decided to write to Campus Bee so that they could post this and people help me with solutions. Guys, I’m suffering I’m suffering so much. Baganda bange, mbegayilidde munyambe. What can I do?

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CB Reporter

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