I’m a 22 years old attending my 3rd year at UCU pursuing a Bachelor’ degree in Social Sciences . I have always been pro choice because I know there are special circumstances out of our control. I was raised and still am a staunch Catholic. I never in a million years thought that I would be one to go through with the dreaded “A” word. I was in an on again off again relationship that was never even official with a guy I met in my 2nd year at campus. We have not known each other long and he was not consistent in my life. The night after we had sex, like usual, I knew there was something wrong when I threw up one morning about a week later. Even though I was on a hangover from a late night out at Casa, i never, ever throw up! So I tried to avoid the worst thought. I was pregnant. Finally, the inevitable happened, I missed my period and although I’m not regular, I knew in my gut I was pregnant. I already suffer with anxiety and depression so when this happened I believed I was screwed for life. I was already afraid I would never find happiness in my bogus relationship. And now this. I discussed it with my best friend. All I could think was ” Am F***d. My parents are aged now and struggle a lot financially themselves. So my best friend told me to do exactly what I think is right. I knew in my heart I could not support a child much less have it, then give it up. Both those thoughts immediately traumatized me.
We were planning a trip to Jinja and I found out I was pregnant the night before we were supposed to leave. I went on the trip with my friend and her sister and actually found out my best friend’s sister had actually gone through the same thing, had the procedure and didn’t keep the baby. This made me feel about 80% more confident that I was doing the right thing. I knew emotionally it would hurt like hell. When I got back to hostel from Jinja I called a certain Doctor, whose number i had been given and his clinic would do the procedure. I made an appointment for a consultation. My best friend and I went.
To my surprise, everyone there was extremely kind and helpful. I had nothing but good vibes. Of course I was scared and nervous but I knew it had to be done. After a few hours I went in for my ultrasound. They asked me if I wanted to see it and I said no. Then the doctor told me I was holding 2 sacs. He said it indicated twins. My heart dropped immediately, especially considering I’m a twin! BUT there was only one fetus at 5 weeks and the other was empty at 7 weeks. I immediately began crying and left the clinic after they dismissed me.
I scheduled my next appointment for Saturday, I had a week and a day to make sure I knew this was what I wanted. My heart was broken but I couldn’t have one without the other. I knew that better than anyone else! I talked to my bf about it and cried a lot but knew we couldn’t handle a child. We were mentally and physically not prepared for the responsibilities that came with raising a sweet innocent life. So finally Saturday AKA “the day” came. I was nervous but ready. I prayed to God all night before asking for his love and forgiveness. Finally it was time to go. My best friend and my boyfriend went with me for support. I was so thankful they were both there for me holding my hand telling me I was doing the right thing and that it would all be okay with time. I went inside and everyone was extremely polite as usual. I then waited for the counseling.
After a little while, I was called back and they discussed the procedure, what to expect and how to feel. Then the wait began. Both my supporters (my bf and best friend) assured me it was the right thing to do. I was so nervous still contemplating everything. The nurses and doctors were all super nice. When the doc. came in I felt a little nervous, but the sedatives were definitely kicking in. I continued to pray. Finally they began the surgery. The nurse comforted me and even let me listen to relaxing music on headphones so I didn’t hear much. Then after about 7 minutes, it was over. I felt NO pain, only slight bleeding. They then took me to the recovery room where they made me feel very comforted; they offered me snacks and drinks. They only had me stay about 20 minutes or so.
My first feeling was relief. I rode back to campus and since I was still feeling the meds, i fell asleep for about 7-8 hours with my bf by my side, comforting me. I still had some slight bleeding but nothing major. When I finally woke up, I started to feel panicky and scared. Immediately I went to my best friend and cried unsure about my decision. She reassured me that it was going to be okay and I definitely did what was best for me and the baby.
This is months after my procedure and I still feel heartbroken and a bit panicky, but better. I’m praying to God that everything works out and he will take care of my 2 baby angel twins in his infinite kingdom; and maybe even one day bring them back to me when I am ready. This was by far the hardest decision I had to make. I do not regret it because I know, as hard as it is to admit, I couldn’t give it the life it deserved. Especially without its twin. This is by far the most heart breaking experience I have ever gone through but neither I nor my unofficial bf could handle the responsibility. Especially considering it was probably not a very healthy offspring. I love my angels more than anything in this world. I think they were just too perfect for Earth. That’s why they are in heaven together.
