1. Reading way too much into everything he says.
“Is that a thing?” is something I say virtually every 20 minutes while reading texts from someone I have a crush on.
2. Not being sure that even the clearest signals mean that he likes you.
I had a guy drop off a scrapbook full of things I loved on my front porch, and I still thought we were just friends because he didn’t specifically say he liked me. It is a problem.
3. Being so nervous about the first kiss that you just leave before it can happen.
Because what if he’s not going to kiss me and I just think he is and then I stand around waiting for it, or he thinks I’m going to kiss him and then I have to figure that out. Haha. No, thank you, bye.
4. Not wanting to assume that everyone is flirting with you, so you assume no one is ever flirting with you.
This has been my plan since, like, forever, and I’ve been happily single ever since (JK, this plan is terrible).
5. The more you like someone, the more terrified and nervous you become.
My friends are always trying to tell me to “calm down” and “stop freaking yourself out just because he texted you with a period at the end instead of an exclamation point,” but I don’t listen.
6. One time you tried flirting with a rando who appeared to be hitting on you but then it turned out he had a girlfriend and now you’ll never do that ever again. That’s the last time I’ll make the first move.
7. An upperclassman asks for your number and you debate in your head for two hours whether or not it’s worth it.
I mean, he could be great or he could be crazy and then I’m stuck with a total weirdo calling me all the time … oh. He’s already walked away. Like, 20 minutes ago. Hmm.
8. Wanting to hold his hand so badly that you end up subconsciously poking him in a really weird way.
And then he gives you that look. That look that says, “ummmm what are you doing?” and everything is terrible.
9. Wanting to scream, “DO YOU LIKE ME?” during conversation but having to hold it in.
Once I full-blown like someone, it’s all I can do not to shout this every 12 minutes.
10. Being so terrified of first-date silence that you end up telling a really personal and upsetting story.
Probably about something really gross or tragic. Neither one goes over super well over noodles.
11. When all your friends are like, “Ugh, shut up already. He obviously likes you,” but you’re like, “Yeah, probably, but I don’t knowwww.”
Aka why my besties hate me.
12. Trying to figure out how to say good-bye in a casual way usually turns into you half-hugging him and running away.
Actually, running away at the end of the first few dates or casual hang-outs with my crush is one of my favorite pastimes/coping mechanisms. Mostly the latter.
13. Seeing your crush and wanting so badly to either just be with them or to have them leave the country and not even say good-bye.
Just pick one. I’m so exhausted by my feelings for you that I don’t even care anymore.