I met Doreen, second year UCU student at some house party on Friday. (You know the hype these girls have when they report back to campus after being on a dry run coz of curfew at home), the way she twerked and wiggled and the nature of her soft waist and protruding boobs attracted me to her, I being a rapacious human, swallowed my pride, approached her and a after a few riddims with her, touching and feeling and analysing, I asked for her number not wanting to be caught by Irene who I was to spend the night with, apparently, Irene had one to the John’s and because I had seen Doreen rigorously move her flexible and flamboyant ass, I didn’t follow her.
The following day, it being Saturday and my genes craving for a dancer to crown my night. A dancing queen is what I needed, my mind flashed back to the few interesting moments I had had with Doreen, immediately my machete rioted, I think seconding the choice I was about to make. I texted Doreen and plot was set, Legends it was.
The day was short and night had reached, time check: 10pm, I am already at Legends, bondo in hand, me being a whisky type I had started on the dose. Then she came, in a short bra-less blue dress, cleavage clearly in sight, machete riots begun when we hugged, a long hug as my hands didn’t want to let go, the warmth on my chest was just too valuable to loose, I bought her a few Smirnoffs and she gave me multiple sit rubs, the shot game was commenced and after 4 shots, it was close to midnight, and she lamented “take me home, and do with me what you will,” I will never know who said those words because it was either the beer or her.
I got a cab and as we headed to my domicile, foreplay was all we did in the back seat. And in the cab is where her panties where left. All the while, my machete wanted out, it wanted to get dressed and my efforts to keep it calm where helped by the mischief I had downed earlier. We reached home in a few minutes and before we even reached the door, we were half naked.
I threw her already naked body on the bed, Machete dressed, I caressed her hard nipples as I kissed her and she started moaning, pillow below her back, I elevated her to a position of maximum satisfaction. Then I inserted my machete into a pot full of warmth, tight with no hindrances, and at this time, the name calling had begun.
Two minutes into the act, there was no response, she had blacked out, she had fainted, she had died, I don’t even know what words to use. She was unresponsive, so I slowly reeled my mega inches of muscle out of her pot. ‘Bonked to death!’ was the first thing that came to my mind. She was in my room and on my bed and she wasn’t moaning anymore, I went into my room and cleaned up, dropped on my charm filled boxers and came back into the room.
Slowly, she regained consciousness, and when she was fully awake, bought her something to eat then to drink. Meanwhile, I called my cab driver and off I sent her. Because of lack of sleep, I pulled out my Bible and thanked God that I hadn’t killed her. Doreen was her name, and every girl codenamed Doreen is in my “don’t bonk” blacklist. Mind you, this is no film, be careful who you take under your sheets. Do you know her enough?, HIV shouldn’t be the only thing you are afraid of.
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