Exclusive information reaching our news desk comfirms that there is a condom crisis currently happening at Makerere University after President Museveni ordered the closure of all schools and universities less than an hour ago. The president ordered the closure as a measure to control the spread of coronavirus.
The students, according to reports we are receiving on ground, have been making last minute dashes for the precious latex and rubber tool of meat destruction aimed at ensuring the females limp all the way home when the university is closed.
“All the canteens don’t have condoms, I have checked for even the free hot pink condoms and they’re nowhere to be seen. Yet, surprisingly, at 2pm all outlets were full. Now I don’t know what to do because my girlfriend from Africa Hall is spending here the night.” Bryan Ssenkembo of Livingstone Hall told our reporter.
Ssenkembo vowed to invade Kikumi Kikumi and Wandegeya among others to ensure that he protects his life.
“That place can be so warm and nice, but life is precious. I don’t want to prevent myself from coronavirus and catch the HIV.” He said light heartedly.
Ssenkembo is not alone, our reporters in Nkrumah Hall and Lumumba have reported an unprecedented inflow of females into their halls this evening and said the inflow was accompanied by the total depletion of condoms at all outlets. In a nutshell therefore, the entire Makerere University and neighbouring areas may be free of condoms by the time it clocks 8pm.