There is no better feeling an alcohol lover will ever enjoy like getting drinks on someone else’s wallet. Even if I am feeling like the richest campuser in the bar, if someone bought me a drink of my preference say big Guinness, I would be so excited. Housing people is a thing the booze generals down to amateurs will enjoy doing once the first sips ascend to the brain. This brings me to the time I called one of my bosses for supper, fed him and got him rug drunk.
It was a typical Monday filled with stress and brokeness caused by the weekend activities. It was not until my phone vibrated, I ignored it because my data had expired and I thought it was probably one of those spammy sms. But thank God it was a bank sms alert saying my allowance had been posted.
I grabbed a bike to my bank and Acacia to renew my data bundle. Unfortunately my favorite liquor store is in a close distance. I bought a couple of Guinness bottles , a UG zinge and some chips, then rushed to my kafunda. My lunch was accompanied with Guinness and loud music which made me miss my lecture. I continued drinking as I reflected upon how I need to cut drinking but the lips kept kissing the brown bottle. Bottle after bottle I sipped until I got bored.
I then called up Emmy and asked him to meet me at the usual kafunda. Upon arrival the waiter, ‘Jemo’ smiled while cleaning the zone where I sit and placed the usual black stuff on the table. I asked for some kikalayi as I waited for Emmy to show up. Emmy came with a thirsty babe from God knows where because her accent was partly Jamaican and partly close to British. Nancy was the name I recall her telling Jemo who is always inquisitive to find out the names of the chics we come with as if he will ever jump over the bar-tender zone fence.
Turns out it had been pay day for Emmy too who was quick to buy all the people in our zone beers on condition that they drank from the right brewery. It was about 7pm and the night was very young. I downed so much beer I started collecting bottle tops to keep track of my bill. It turned out these bottle tops could actually teach an entire nursery how to count but who cares, I had the money to blow. The kikalayi was in excess after all it had been ordered by a ‘rich’ drunkard.
The money (*read excessive beer) kept yelling to me about how we needed shisha. I suggested the idea to Emmy who gave me a random location which I couldn’t agree to, so we challenged ourselves to who would finish a beer the fastest. I won, so we went to the ‘temporary pond’ you call Panamera where some colleagues would join us.
The bouncer asked us if we had a meeting and my CEO asked him whether it was illegal to drink on a Monday. I let that slide as I asked for 3 shisha pots and shots. The first puff brought voices of ancestors to my head telling me something that sounded like “this is freaking awesome.”
The music volume was dead low but the drinks and shisha made oldies feel like Nigerian dancehall as we struggled to finish the shots and beer. The general needed to cool but the bartender told me service had stopped. I left the counter disappointed but rich, so we left the bar and looked for cabs which for some reason were not available that night.
One of the boda boda men tried to say an insulting statement which resulted into an exchange of words about how the guy is so poor and should return to his village. Our stubborn behavior didn’t allow us get bikes from the Pana stage so we walked while taking crooked pose selfies on the road until we stopped a few passing boda bodas.
The journey back to Makerere was rather scary as the alcohol made me lose balance and considering that Ritah’s ass was huge, I kept hitting my behind on the metal but the wallet posed as a rather weak cushion now. There is a moment I almost fell off until Ritah stuck her nails in my thighs that got me to lean forward. Pheww! one less obituary in the papers.
Upon arrival, one of the guys we had, had passed out as he climbed the stairs to his kafunda on my block. Luckily, Ritah helped me up to my room where I fell on my bed like a don and my ‘dreams’ that night were filed with rather weird x-rated content. But I was amused when I woke up to the sight of an exhausted monger.
Thank God she didn’t get to the wallet otherwise I wouldn’t have data to share this experience. Till I drink again, have a lovely day.
