Drunken Tales of Bossa Bash

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It was that time of the semester where everyone starts looking for transport to Nkozi University. Trust me people leave IUIU in Mbale and travel all the way to Nkozi in Buwama just to sip some cheap liquor with crazy people. There is no way I could miss out on the biggest party in campus because I would get to miss the biggest drunkards.

At around 6pm, I went to my room and picked a jacket and some rubber jackets for my friends especially our resident fuckboy. I then got onto a bike back to office where our driver would pick us from.

I found the guys at the office had already procured some Uganda Waragi coconut and someone had already blessed the bottle. But I didn’t miss the stardom, my hands appeared in the Snapchat story on the ‘Ugandans on Snapchat’ account since we were hosting the account for the night.

I started drinking the Uganda Waragi as I listened to EDM music on my Spotify. I could listen to everyone at work was plotting with our agents in Nkozi to get them the freshest ‘legumes’ to ‘eat.’  But my face was filled with thirst for cheap beer and crazy drunk girls.

I realised that I would blackout if we didn’t eat so I suggested that we buy some ‘TV Chicken’ or meat to fill our tummies before we go to the university of drunkards. We left the office and bought 3 grilled birds of chicken that we ate in the car.

Amali, our driver wasn’t going to drink so he asked to eat the bigger part of the chicken. I strategically sat next to him so that I could eat from both plates of the chicken after all he would be drinking. We started biting the chicken as fast as we could so that we could drink alcohol. In about 20 minutes, we had finished eating the chicken and started ‘kabozi.’

Amali who had driven us out of Kampala started asking each of us to take a shot lest he leaves us on the roadside. Emmy took the first shot and we applauded him for a ‘job’ well done. We then asked Pius En’ywaru to take a shot but he wasn’t motivated enough so we started to shout “shot, shot, shot” and he drank a lot of waragi- impressive!

As we drove, I was burdened with keeping the followers of ‘code256-ug’ on snapchat entertained and I occasionally posted messages talking about the night but as we drove I got sober and it got boring. I then asked for the bottle and sipped that liquor like it was breast milk and by breast milk I mean for long. It was time for ‘f*ck boy’ to drink but he hesitated and Amali almost parked the car for him to get out. He finally took a shot and we were happy.

At this point ‘f*ck boy’ was asking for some condoms which I gave him and he asked us to bet if he wouldn’t chaw at least 2 babes that night. But I said someone would cork block him the whole night. We were interrupted by a message on snapchat that asked us what was the worst thing we had ever done. Well, if you didn’t follow that night, just know one had sex with a friend’s girlfriend in their dad’s house, another chawed a babe during her periods but let’s leave that alone.

At around 10pm, the speedometer was 6 times my age and I was loving it. We reached the Equator and took selfies while making pull ups on the sign. In fact I even poured some Uganda Waragi on the Equator line to show my patriotism for Ugandan Drinkers. We left the Equator and drove to the University.

We reached Bossa Hostel where we found our female writers looking like pimps. The hugs felt like the girls hadn’t seen people from Kampala in a while. I interest was on the alcohol so I dragged the crew to the fridge where Emmy bought a crate of beer and a bottle of Uganda Waragi.

It’s only in Nkozi where the girls publicly open beer with their teeth and Mimi wasn’t shy to do so. We all opened our beers and started enjoying the music in the open space. We drunk beer as we waited for the ‘pimps’ to go and call their friends. But a scent that one would only publicly smell in Amsterdam was in the air. This crew was openly smoking weed and there is no way I could miss out on the action.

Dream, one of the ‘pimps’ asked for money and went in search of the popular herb. As she left, I engage her friends in jamaican themed dance moves because I had nothing to lose. To be particular, this girl in white could whine so well the waragi evaporated and I got sober again. Nevertheless we surely maxed these ‘seemingly’ young girls.

At around 1am, the crate was done and I ordered for another one. Unfortunately, Emmy asked for less Guinness bottles. I however drunk a lot of club beer which reminded me that longer brewed beers actually taste nice. As we enjoyed our night I decided to take a photo of a friend and unfortunately some drunk-local munyankole wasn’t so pleased.

This fool wanted to start a fight with but my crew couldn’t allow this foolery. In fact Amali was heard asking the guy whether he wants punches or money because we could punch him and pay him at the same time afterall we are rich. He calmed down when he realised he was messing with the wrong people, shook my hand and we enjoyed the night.

The height had checked in but Dream brought the weed. A good number of us smoked that herb and I couldn’t remember where my iPhone was. I asked everyone for it and no one had it. The girls were worried about me and i bragged about how it had an icloud lock and told them to party the night away.

Somehow Dream found it and brought to me. But now Emmy couldn’t find his iPhone but somehow ‘f boy’ was using it to share snapchat stories. The dancing mood was back and these girls dubbed us like we were shooting a Konshen video. Occasionally, guys went missing and returned ‘tired’.

At around 4am, I also disappeared for a while but as I returned to the drinking station Amali and Emmy dragged all of us into the car but Dream wanted to tag along. We drove her up to to her room where she offered us a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka. I was asked to ‘bless’ the bottle and I drank about a quarter of the bottle in one gallop and everyone was surprised. Atlast, my thirst was fully quenched and we had to go back to Kampala.

Amali drove us back to Kampala, I swear I noticed we were in Kampala when he was hooting at the gate of Olympia hostel. We dropped off ‘f boy’ and he dropped me home.

I woke up at around midday and started checking the videos on snapchat only to realise the night was so epic I even forgot certain events. Some were so bizarre that I drank more whiskey to forget the scenes but hey that’s a drunken tale for another day.

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