Drunken Tales of a complicated dress whose science we couldn’t understand

blackgress

I see many bizarre and weird things everytime I go out. I have seen girls pucking in each others’ mouths, guys getting bounced and many other actions that leave smiles on people’s faces. But this particular Thursday night had something I didn’t expect.

At around 11pm, I returned from a minor office drinkage when I met general Benja and a longtime-drinking-colleague of his in what seemed like a preparation for a night of violence. The scent of access cologne only meant that they were going to place where a lot of dubbing, girl hunting and heat is anticipated.

The booze general twisted his tone so as to convince me to join this liquor-drinking battle. I tried to hesitate but no drinker turns down free alcohol on a random night. But we all agreed that we would be done by 2am. I put on my traditional all-Stars and left for Nirvana bar because it had a campus night on thursday where some beers are cheap.

We arrived at around midnight and the bar had a very large number of females. We noticed that the bar transports ladies from a particular girls hostel. The challenge is a lot of revellers knew this so the bar had a rather random crowd. I went to the counter to pick a round for my friends who had strategically sat next to some fine ladies. Being a cheap beer night, I bought some ice cold Nile Special bottles for all of us.

I certainly missed the taste of Guinness since Nile tasted quite watery.  The rate at which I downed the bottle was rather alarming and hadn’t been for that fact that the bottle is slightly big I would be done in under 2 minutes. Counsel, whose a friend to General Benja incited our throats with violence by buying 2 rounds in a row.

Unfortunately the ladies next to us drunk like they wanted their beers to last longer as if it was ‘grub’ in high school. Nevertheless, I extended my greetings to these ladies as I continued to drink my beer. The music was rather slightly old and this DJ reminded me of the old days of Alfredo’s when Konshens and Vybz Kartel songs rocked that place. In fact most of the girls were dancing with a lot of rural urban excitement but their hour of fame was about to end.

A light skinned babe who was clad in a white dress or rather parts-of-a-white-short dress walked in. Her entrance was accompanied by loud noise from her already-drunk friends. As I can assure you I heard a bottle breaking behind me, and friends of this guy were laughing at their friends for being flabbergasted by the girl’s dress.

My ‘gang’ looked at themselves and shook their heads because the parts this dress was revealing. General Benja told me how he had failed to understand the science of this dress because it only covered the back part of the butt, and exactly where the thigh starts curving inwards. It also had thin net-like strings joining the front and back parts which exposed the light skin of this girl’s waist and the top of her boobs.

The dress incited the violence of the MC’s pants who wanted part of the package but he kept getting pushed away despite efforts of wishing the girl a happy birthday over the mic. His ‘horn’ made the DJ stop the music for about a minute as the bar all turned their attention to this light skin.

The music was back on but my beer was done. I noticed the lady next to me receiving a cold Guinness from the waiter and I had to break the ‘cheap-beer-rules’ by ordering one since it wasn’t on the 3 beers at 10k offer. This started an argument amongst us about premium beer and gutter but the tales of 1759 could not let the ‘champions’ prosper.

At around 1.30am, I noticed that a bum in little dress on our table was shaking in a rather fast paced manner. Her colleague was also shaking to the tunes of old jamaican songs and many tried to approach her from behind only to get denied like Simon Peter. But for some reasons, only liquor-battle related songs get me off my seat for the first time. What better than ‘Baala’ to get a beer bender off his seat.

As I started grooving, this babe kept extending next to me teasing me with her provocative dancing. Of course I had to show her how soft my waist gets but she kept running away from dubs and I set her free. It became an interesting movie of rejection as many people filled our table with Coca-cola and Guinness assuming that she would dance with them but she would chase them away and dance more provocatively in a different location.

Counsel asked for what time it was but General Benja asked him whether he had kids to take to school the following day. Nevertheless it was 2.45am. We continued drinking the beer this girl had been given because she kept giving it to us.

Suddenly the girl in white needed somewhere to sit and the only empty stool was next to me. She greeted me and asked why I wasn’t dancing anymore. Well, there was a bit of small talk and she pulled me to the dancefloor where I examined the science of the components that were exposed by her dress. It was then that I could ascertain to General Benja that it was indeed smooth light skin. The fun was short lived since her friends had to go and do God-knows-what. And many people had started to leaving the bar.

Time was shifting at a rather fast pace as more girls left the bar and it was getting boring. Even the gal in white had returned but she had switched to a more decent black dress probably because the white one would incite too much violence on the way home. We decided to leave the bar because we all had classes.

Well, the things alcohol and parties enable us see never seem to amaze me and I hope to even experience more bizarre things as I go in search for a drunken tale by drinking of course.

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I am a writer, Tech enthusiast who loves to explore all forms of technology and media trends.