Drunken Tales of cheap thrills and memory loss


There are those nights when your wallet becomes extremely cold because there is no money to keep it warm since it’s aerated. Usually, when wallets are ‘feather-weight,’ throats tend to get dry and thirsty. But some nights are different, one can be broke but zonked and happy.

It was a rare Friday, where I sat in office pretending to be busy at work just to enjoy the free food and alcohol that would get served. Luckily, a certain visitor dropped some bottles of Uganda Waragi Coconut at the office at around 2pm. I downed the spirit as though I was an athlete drinking water after all I wasn’t paying a cent for it.  After about 3 double shots and one gallop, I couldn’t handle the bitterness anymore.

I then mixed the coconut-waragi in Fanta Berry and the blend was rather nice. I did this I as wrote some I.T code on my laptop. Time was rushing in a rather fast manner and the mood at work was very jolly as bottles kept getting downed.

As the sun kissed the far and dark edges of the earth, I got hungry. I suggested to Emmy that we have some chicken or pork. It turns out everyone else was hungry and a phone call was made to our Pork-guy. Emmy bought a round of beer of everyone as we made preparations to go to ‘Tortuga’, our usual pork hideout.

At around 9pm, everyone was quite tipsy as we left office. When we reached Tortuga, the waiters suggested serving the usual drinks we normally drink but we all asked for more Uganda-Waragi Coconut. At this time I could feel the alcohol in my shoulders because it was too much.

Phew! The meat had arrived and I ate as though I had no money for a heavy breakfast. But as I chewed on the extra cassava, Counsel, a friend of mine called me that there was a drinkage in my room. I didn’t pay attention to this and continued eating and drinking.

At around 11pm, Pius suggested that we should go to Pana later and I couldn’t refuse the idea. He however had to go Cayenne first and join me later, but he requested to apologise by paying for my transport and entrance fee. I jumped onto a bike and went to Pana. I instead opted to get a round of shisha since I had had more than enough for the night. It took Pius about an hour to arrive but he was high and looked as ‘zonked’ as a cheap prostitute. He in fact asked for Coca-Cola as he bought me more Guinness while he told me how someone incited ‘beer-violence’ on him at Cayenne.

At around 1.30am, it was threatening to rain and I decided to go to my ‘kafunda’. On my way, I received a call from Counsel that there were many drunk girls at my place and they wanted some Coca-Cola. I made a stop over in Wandegeya to buy the big soda and continued to my place.

I found everyone very high, in fact General Benja’s eyes looked like he had been drinking since 2pm. The girls seemed like they had drunk an entire bar but it turns out I was wrong. Counsel showed me a near empty box of Uganda Waragi Coconut sachets and I laughed. He told me the girls had asked for either White Mischief or Kitoko but he got them 2 boxes of sachets (Bond 7 & UG Coconut ) which is why they were so drunk.

In my drunk excitement over the cheap thrills, I galloped the last two sachets of coconut in under 10 seconds. Boom! and just like that my eyes opened the following morning. I swear neither confirm nor deny the events that took place between 2am and 8am.

I could only remember that my iPhone was shuttered, I saw some pink underwear, and I gave someone money for more alcohol. But my brain could not comprehend whatever had happened. Counsel showed me some photos which showed that these girls dubbed me thoroughly, in fact when I blacked out they twerked over my face which explains the ‘pink’.

But nothing could explain the a sticky note in my pocket with digits, a scuff  on the chair, mixed colour slippers and one of my jumpers was missing.

My head was aching and I was feeling hot yet it ‘might’ have been raining the entire night. General Oswan also came in saying all he remembered was there was a mad party. He offered me some leftover alcohol but I ‘gladly’ refused the offer.

Anyway as parts of my memory put themselves together, I thought that maybe I will remember some events only after drinking again which is a tale for another day.


CTO Campusbee.ug, I am a writer, Tech enthusiast who loves to explore all forms of technology and media trends.