It had been a while since my throat got massaged by the bitter, taste bud terrorising taste of Guinness with friends from other universities and places that call themselves universities. Of course, I got to the usual kafunda early to secure the booth we love.
Jemo the usual bartender brings Bond 7 tot packs already in a small Johnnie Walker Red Label bottle for purposes of making the table look legit. I gallop in memory of the test that just hit the bean out of me then I start the usual small talk.
“You’re alone, today?” Mama Jane asks which brings out the usual smirck on face and raised shoulders “the generals are coming, and I’m bringing some fresh legumes so be on point,” I replied while picking a 50K note and ordering for 3 units of Kikalayi. I gallop the ‘Johnnie Walker’ only for Maya to show up with two gorgeous ladies. She hugs me and introduces me and a one Lisa asks how impatient I was while pointing to my now nearly empty red label bottle.
The liquor just couldn’t let me listen to the Kyambogo inspired forced English Accent version of her Meriah name but I said Hi anyway. She took a seat away from me to get a clear view of the TV showing a soap that was playing in another booth. Maya begins vibing me for beers and red label with those words which my liquor-filled blood stream has declared null and void like Honey, sweetie and Baby. I finish the bottle and peep for the waiter who happens to be offloading a beer truck.
It took about 15 minutes for Kyehuba to join us after Maya’s request to take a long shower at his home since we didn’t want cum flavored kikalayi. Jemo takes our orders and returns with tray of Guinness bottles and asks the Meriah babe whether she literally hits soap because the soap opera has taken her mind. He asks for what she wants to drink and she goes, “Clubbu Twist. ”
My face fumes to the disgust of her accent and fact she ordered for a near soft drink in the presence of a booze war general. Kyehuba whispers that this babe will be a problem since she is local and probably won’t get high. I ask Meriah, why she is drinking Club Twist and she replies, “Because i’m cool and tru..eendy”.
I ask for more of that secret Red Label and I see a smile on her face as I down more Guinness.
It was after several bottles when a argument about Bond 7 and Guinness and their ability to stimulate elongated durations of sex. Kyehuba being an amatuer at the bottle games decides to order Bond 7 shots and drinks more Guinness to prove his new discovery. The girls were in disagreement and we constantly joked about experimenting. It was not until Maya confessed how her ex-boyfriend used to drink Bond 7 and it was probably because of this that farming games lasted longer since the guy just never stopped hitting the bean the whole night.
The poor newbie found the ‘Red Label’ too harsh and mixed it with Club twist in a move to look trendy or rather ‘truueeni’ as she had pronounced it. But her eyes kept growing to the size of an owl as she blinked like those birds in animations. At this time my tummy was staging a strike but I was in luck when Mama Jane brought a heaped tray of Kikalayi.
I dug into the meat but I couldn’t keep up with the rate of these girls who am told had been playing hunger games the entire day. The meat was hot and my only coolant was the new Guinness Jemo had just brought.
As we got satisfied Kyehuba started chit chatting with Meriah until he escorted her and I started replying those texts that were calling me to Panamera for the rest of the evening. Am pretty sure I texted a one horny J to use an extension cable instead of sexting me. I start cooling off with some iced mineral water as I plan to relocate to a more urban bar but the wait for the new ‘lovebirds’ to return.
Now the struggle to get these chics onto a Bodaboda was hard, first Meriah was walking like a rain stricken chicken and Maya was trying to get all over a me despite my civil marriage to liquor. We finally sat on two bodas while Meriah sung Amooti’s Lusidiku to Kyehuba. The windy weather took my height away as I told Maya never to bring such local babes to my company again.
We slowly approached Panamera as the alcohol and my brain had an argument over how to get rid of this local babe and her company. Luckily her staggering got the bouncer’s attention as I got checked through security and the girls were bounced.
I continued as if I didn’t know them and got more beer as I kept getting hugs and fist bumps from people who probably knew me but the Guinness was slowly killing my eye sight. It was not until I read a message I had neglected about a coursework submission at 9am that I got a boda back to my place and started editing my coursework which by the way is an online alcohol rehabilitation school website.
It won’t be long till i’m drunk enough to share with you other drunken tales.
