I am surprised when I see the world going crazy over the Hello challenge yet most bar hoppers go through this kind of torture almost every time their single souls go to the bar. Which reminds me of most times I try to hit on chics at the bar or at least the ones in my phone book.
This reminds me of every moment I see someone who used to know me at some point. The liquor begins saying things like Hi or Hello which the babe responds to with either a kind gesture or a clueless face with a raised right hand with an attitude. Am telling you this chic will ignore you everytime you see her at the bar with pensioner who has decorated the table with black label and expensive drinks. Reminds of a time I met Sheila at a bar, walked casually to her booth to say Hi, and she didn’t hear me, a friend tapped her while telling her that someone wanted to talk to her. “Oba who,” she responded, and I said “It’s me” after she had turned in my direction.
“Am sorry, who are you again?” Sheila asked. Trust me this made my entire swag diminish and it felt like the moccasins and leather jacket felt like I was wearing a sack with lugabire because it was the lowest I could go for ‘someone I knew. ’ I tip toed back to my table as insults from the pensioner and Sheila’s friends faded in the background but I surely won’t forget one about how my generation was full of guys who want what they deserve. But surely I wouldn’t deserve cross generational sex or ciao with a party involved in it. The beer felt warm and bitter but all somehow Sheila got kicked out of my discussion group by the group genius for having pulled a similar stunt on him.
Denying or ignoring some people is okay and we do it to make our lives convenient. Which is why I no longer hit on chics at the bar like am hunting grasshoppers. I grew tired of #HelloChallenge themed responses like “I have a boyfriend”, “Can you buy my friends a crate before you greet me” but I have those friends who take such responses a whole night until they finally find an excuse of a gal to hang out with the whole night. I heard that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but alcohol tends to lower the standards of the “beholder” so I can’t blame them entirely.
Bar hunting as some call it is not my thing which means I will either go with company or I will only know the liquor and my phone the entire night. Last night, as I used my phone under the influence, I kept switching conversations with different people as some started tapping out because they were sleepy. I mistakenly tapped a certain contact and my auto predict keyboard suggested “hello” which I tapped as I sipped big Guinness. Holy shit it was Gem, one of those babes I had literally used and I hadn’t talked to her since that night.
The conversation felt like a battlefield where never ending shots kept getting fired. The most annoying reply was her first which went like “who is this me,” and I am not sure whether my response was induced by my neighbors binge playing of that Adele song or too much Twitter. I responded “it’s me,” Then I added my name below. She then asked me what I wanted. For some reason the coldness at the bar had got to my jeans and figures and somehow I ended up texting something about us meeting and talking since its been long.
This light skin of a woman told me she was on her way back from Kenya and she would reach Kampala in about two hours. But first I had to buy drinks for her friends who she described a “light skinned and posh looking.” I responded with the big eyed emoji. Gem was not shy to tell me the table on which her friends were.
Trust me this text got me sober, warm and I walked to the counter got a refill and hunted for the Shisha pot guy who served me after tipping him so that i could skip the queue.
“Hello, are you there?” is the message I saw after my phone vibrated just as I was making a my first deep shisha puff. The Guinness really wanted my fingers to end this foolery. I texted Gem that “I was someone who used to know, not her father” I added that “I have not and do not intend to take on fatherly duties like feeding a clan” Gem responded with furious emoji but I didn’t care. It’s from this moment that I vowed never to drunk text.
Luckily one of the experienced drinkers from my course showed up, recognized and gave me serious company and her repetitive hugs and dubs kept the coldness away. Phew!! I had survived this one. But like any annoying conversation, I always solve it by sipping which gets me drunk and I forget the whole incident in the morning.
It’s mornings from problem induced drinking that get me looking for my only hangover solution which is blend of Coca-Cola and a shot of bond 7. Which means another drunken tale is never far away.
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